So, I've had another blog inspiration, and it came from watching yet another couple who married young go through a divorce. To be sure, divorce doesn't solve marrital problems, and if you have kids together, it actually makes more, but it's an epidemic around the Baptist movement these days, and I have some thoughts to its reason.
Marriage is pushed on everyone who turns 18, whether consciously or not in the Baptist world. I've talked to 21-year-old girls who feel like they're old maids, and if a guy hits 30, and isn't married, for whatever reason, he turns into this predator, throwing himself at the mercy of every single girl in his path. It's really pathetic. and if we were going by the culture of the Old Testament, I'd say these dear people have a point. Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. This was written by Solemon, who, if we were to be quite honest, had several wives in his youth! In fact, he had so many, there was probably a reservation desk so they could schedule time with him! Solemon was wise on so many levels, but I don't think he's the one to take marrital advice from, especially where culture has changed so much!
Now, to be sure, I love to see couples who have been married for 60 years, still holding hands, and acting like young people who are still dating and crazy about each other, but times were different 60 years ago! Boys knew the value of hard work at a young age, and mothers domesticated their daughters as soon as they were old enough to stand on a chair and help cook! Can I say, nothing's wrong with that paradigm! Our world would be so much better if that was still normal, but sadly, it isn't! Hollywood has so permeated our society, and redefined what the relationship between a man and a woman should be, and girls especially, being the dreamier of the genders, get to thinking they're gonna have their Cinderella story, and meet Prince Charming, and what was shiny and glittering at first ends in divorce and custody battles. Young men don't know the value of hard work! Today, if they want to play sports, most of them just fire up their videogame console, and play the game with a controler. They live in a fantasy world of their own design, and really have no clue how to support a wife and family. Young men, if you can't support her, don't pursue her!
So, now that I've gone off on this tangent, there sure has to be a good way to find a wife. Proverbs 18:22 ¶Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Solemon and his marriage advice again. I'm sure he wished by that point that he'd just done it God's way. Even the whole virtuous woman thing in Proverbs 31 starts with a question! Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Virtuous women are out there, but I think even Solemon, with his 1000 wives and concubines hadn't found what he was looking for!
God's view of marriage in Genesis was one man, one woman. Man's views have changed, but God's views never did! If He'd wanted Adam to have a few wives, I'm sure He could've taken a few more ribs and made some more, but God wasn't about polygamy! Even in 1 Timothy 3, He had that reiterated when He said a bishop was to be the husband of one wife. If you were taught that that passage meant anything else, you were taught wrong, and need to search your Bible for added words to make what you were taught make sense. Stop looking, they're not there! Also, it's not for Christians to get involved in the gay marriage debate, as we don't rely on the state or country to define what marriage is anyway! Two men can have a wedding and go through a marriage exercise, and the state can give them all the benefits they want, but in a holy God's eyes, guess what? They ain't married, but I digress!
In Scripture, there were causes why a divorce could be granted, but so many Christians paint a picture of those reasons with such a broad brush that if we were to take the Bible literally, we'd find many of today's divorces to be without Biblical justification. If you're pursuing a mate, note that divorce is not the way out of a marriage that's just not working for you. If you have problems, you're supposed to do whatever's in you to work them out. That's just a side note, and there are plenty of great articles written about the subject of divorce. In otherwords, you need to wait on The Lord for your mate so you can get it right the first time, and you won't have to live with regrets. Trusting, and waiting on God has its benefits. As somebody who still is waiting on Him, I have far fewer regrets than some of my friends who felt they were getting old, and rushed headlong into a marriage that was destined for ruin. Have I felt lonely, and like a second class citizen at times? Of course I have, and I've jumped into dating relationships I shouldn't have because I acted on my own impulse rather than trusting God's plan. I have a few regrets, and none of them are God's fault, and it's only by His grace I didn't marry the wrong girl. Again, I'd rather be single than have a bad marriage. If you're reading this, and you have a few years on you and aren't married yet, don't sweat it! Just keep trusting God to direct your paths rather than letting some well-meaning matchmaker lead you into a ditch.
Here's a passage not many people consider! 1 Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.Paul was writing this as an unmarried man. Basically, he advised people, if they could, to stay single for the glory of God! 1 Corinthians 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
In otherwords, people who are single should be serving The Lord, because they can devote their attention to Him. I firmly believe that if a man or woman is devoting his or her attention to the things of God, if God has a mate planned, then He will reveal it in His time. The fact is, however, too many people ignore all this, and just claim verse 9 to justify themselves getting married. Note that if you're burning in your lust that badly, you've obviously done something to really stir it up to that point, and without proper care, your relationship is doomed from the outset.
The conclusion of the matter is this! It's high time people stopped making young people feel incomplete if they're not married by 25. We need fewer attempts at matchmaking, and instead of being busybodies, some of the older folks need to encourage the younger ones to wait on God. Along with that responsibility comes this; the older folks need to set an example of what a good marriage should be! There are people who I'm friends with whose marriage is a Godly example of what I hope to have should that time ever come. My pastor and his wife have been married for 38 years, and they're still crazy about each other. In fact, she's been known to say that they're still on their honeymoon! I think that's precious, and there's something quite sacred about it! They've raised their kids for God, and they're all in church, serving in some capacity. To the younger, single crowd that may be reading this, I say, don't date around! Be friends with everyone, and if God wants to bring you a mate, He will, but you certainly don't have to force it. Don't be ashamed to be single. Enjoy serving God with your whole heart while you can! Please note that these are purely my observations, but as somebody who is a bit older, and still single, I've had time to observe, and my observations sadden me.
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