Surrendering to Singleness

I made a new friend! The pastor’s son-in-law of the church I’m at this weekend picked me up from the airport yesterday, and as we ride to where I was staying, we began to talk about life, compare stories, all the stuff guys who are in the ministry do. We got talking about the new son he has, and the conversation eventually worked it’s way to how he met his wife. One of my friends played matchmaker, and it worked. I don’t recommend doing that. I have, it’s blown up in my face, but this time, it worked! He began to tell me about the process before he met his wife though, and he walked down the same road as I am walking right now, and doubtless many of you are walking at this point. It’s the surrender to God to serve in singleness, but really, it’s the surrender to God to serve Him even if He wants you to be single for life! That’s a hard proposition! I can’t tell you how many times as a single man in ministry, some dear sweet woman in a church has said, “You’re not married yet? I’m gonna pray for you a wife!” If they’re praying, God sure doesn’t seem to be listening, and honestly, it gets frustrating to hear those same comments all the time! Girls get it, too. If they’re 21 and not married with a baby on their hip, those same, well-meaning old women will take her aside and make disparaging comments, making her feel inferior. Sadly, our church society is programmed that if people aren’t married young, they must be out of God’s will! Far too often, this leads to young people jumping at the first chance they get to be married, to get out of mama’s house, and to live happily ever after. Many times however, God is nowhere near their decision, and those same two young people who said it was God’s will for them to marry are now divorced, sometimes with a couple kids in the mix that now get shuttled back and forth between two homes. This could’ve been prevented if the two people had practiced that four-letter word nobody likes, “Wait!” I’ve often heard it said that fools rush in, and sadly, I see it more and more, especially with Christian young people! I get it! You don’t wanna be like that weird single old man in your church who hardly showers, and doesn’t shave his beard, and always hangs around suspiciously in the corner at church dinners, or that dear old lady with all the cats and the bitter disposition! You don’t have to be, but what if the Lord’s just waiting on you to surrender to His will for your life regardless if He brings you a mate or not? Let’s see what Paul said regarding this in 1 Corinthians 7. Personally, I believe Paul was either divorced, or widowed, because he paints a very specific picture in this chapter regarding marriage. Everyone would do well to read it with a fine sense, so it’s not taken piecemeal as I am doing now. Here’s what he says. 6  But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. 7  For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. Verse 9 is every church kid’s go to verse to justify a rushed marriage, of course. Girls, watch out for guys who use this verse on you. They’re generally perverts, and you probably should see it as a red flag, and run like you would away from a terrorist with a suicide vest on! The sad fact is though, many in our day are sexually active before marriage, and writing under the inspiration of God, Paul included this verse right after saying in verses 7 and 8 that being single is a gift, and he wishes that all men were as he. In other words, he presents the best case scenario, then makes allowance for those who have a problem. Sadly, that problem has become the rule rather than the exception. Even if young people have never been physically active with each other, the world’s movies, music, and lifestyle all promote sensual lust! It’s designed to leave the heart longing for what it doesn’t have, which is an indication that people aren’t thankful for what they do have, according to Romans 1. Going back to verses 7 and 8 though, at the end of the chapter, Paul qualifies his statements. 32  But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33  But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. If Paul had been married, could you picture what all his poor wife would’ve had to go through as Paul traversed the world preaching? He was stoned nearly to death, shipwrecked, beaten, persecuted for Christ’s sake on many occasions, and imprisoned! She’d have been with him, or at home waiting on him to come home, and while he was out on the road, his concern would be more for her than the things of God. It’s natural! It’s not wrong. If God gives you a spouse, that’s your first responsibility, even before your kids and the ministry. When Paul wrote this, also under the inspiration of God, he is taking all of it into consideration! This is why surrendering to serving the Lord single is a good idea! Your singleness may not last! God may give you the wife or husband you’ve always dreamed of, and you can serve together, but if you’re waiting for that to happen before you’re busy for God, then what you get won’t be God’s blessing, it’ll be something you manufactured yourself. As a single man in ministry, I can’t take that chance. Honestly, neither can you! The true problem with many singles is discontent! They’re not content to serve God in their single season, sometimes because culture demands that they get married, which often means they’ll settle for the first willing participant, or they think marriage will solve all kinds of problems for them including world hunger, a dirty house, and all kinds of other things. Many fill their minds with movies which are nothing but fiction designed to make the mind fantasize about what it doesn’t have, or set higher expectations from love than should be set. If the guy or girl doesn’t look like a movie star, then they’ll get passed over, regardless of how good a spouse they’d make, or how close a person walks with God. Paul said in Philippians 4:11,  Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Most people haven’t learned that! We always want something we don’t have, but seriously, if we learn that Godliness with contentment is great gain, the fact that we’re single won’t deter us from serving the Lord. There is a verse that’s often misapplied when discussing the subject of a mate. Psalm 37:4,  Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. The biggest problem with that verse is that the desires of most single people’s hearts are to find a mate, so they claim that verse and say, “If I delight myself in the Lord, He’ll give me my Ruth, or my Boaz.” Even pastors have wrongly interpreted the verse while giving counsel to the single and desperate, giving them a verse to hold on to in their lonely state, but not so fast! People who delight themselves in the Lord have one desire in their heart, to know Him better. If we’re truly sold out to Him, then He is the center of our delight, and the desire of our hearts. My pastor always says that sometimes, God will give you the desires of your heart, even though He knows they’re bad for you. I’ve seen it happen far too many times. A guy starts living for God because there’s a really cute church girl he wants to impress. The desire of his heart is the girl, not the Lord, so when he gets what he wants, the true intent of the heart is revealed. Listen! If the Lord is the desire of your heart, and a mate is what He wants for you, then He’ll give you one who also desires the Lord with all her heart! On the other hand, if you’re called to be in the Apostle Paul club, it won’t matter because the Lord is the desire of your heart in the first place! We could go on for a long time with verses about all this. I could show you verses also to suggest that God wants most people to marry, and that’s true, but as a Christian, our responsibility first is to Him! As I talked to my friend the other day, he shared that soon after he took his hands off trying to find the right girl, God gave her to him! His love story was wonderful to listen to, because Christ was the very center of it. As a single guy, I’d love for the Lord to write my story like that. The details will be different, but the end result will be the same. I’d like to say I’m content in Him, and being single, but there’s still this part of me, the part that gets freaked out thinking of spending my last days alone in a nursing home with really mean nurses who could care less, but I haven’t crossed that bridge yet, and hopefully, I have many more years of life before I do. If He wants me to, I’ll keep running up and down the roads from church to church, preaching and singing of His goodness, and I’m willing to do it single until He chooses otherwise. Single person, your aloneness is not a curse. It’s a blessing. It’s a season in which to serve God with every fiber of your being. Stop looking for love, and start looking for Christ. Stop trying to make things work, and get to work for the things that really matter. I promise you, God’s got a plan, and He’s got your life under control. If He cares about a nasty little sparrow falling, then certainly He cares about you!